Interpreting the “Higher Power” reference in OA

Generally, OA is not my personal cup of tea.  I appreciate that it’s helpful to others and for that I acknowledge its value; it simply isn’t for me.  However, I strongly agree with some of the beliefs and approaches by the organization, even if I don’t necessarily apply them in the exact same way as they do.  I agree, for example, that helping others who are struggling is one way to help yourself (though obviously that ought not be the only motivation for doing so).

I have a book, one of my favorites, on overcoming overeating (no, it’s not the book by that title nor the author), written by a member of OA and based on the program therein.  It’s not an “official” OA book, but from what I understand of the organization, it ought to be, for it’s about the most logical, clear-cut, well-organized manual on the subject I have ever read.  And so much of what the author spells out about the program are points I have found, on my own, to be extremely helpful.

But the one element I have often struggled with is the notion of a Higher Power.  Don’t get me wrong; I believe in God or some comparable entity, believe there is “more” than what meets the eye on this earth.  But somehow, the notion of handing myself over to a Higher Power — one of the credos of OA — has never sat well with me.  To me it suggests that I lack the ability to overcome this — or, now that I’ve done most of the “overcoming,” to manage this.  I might be misinterpreting it, but that’s how I read it.  I like the idea of taking full ownership and responsibility for such a problem, and in upholding the idea that I alone — maybe through the tools God has provided me? — can make my own wise decisions and go about implementing change.

But I had a light bulb moment the other day that gave me a sense of resolution to this, perhaps because I *want* to believe in that part of OA.  I was on one of the cardio machines at the gym, reflecting on a conversation my husband and I had had that morning.  I was asking his advice on tweaking my current food plan.  I go through this every single winter; I swear the lack of daylight and the cavedweller effect of all this snow and cold literally scrambles my brain out of its normal self, because this plays out every year without fail.  In short, I begin to “experiment” with my eating, introducing foods that are 99% likely to cause trouble, and to make short-term decisions that, frankly, are immature, selfish, impulsive and/or self-indulgent.  It nearly always leads to a period of trip/stumble/get up/get back on track/trip/stumble/get up/get back on track/trip.  There finally comes a point when I cry “uncle” and recognize that there’s no place like home, “home” being my regular food plan, my regular approach.  It’s almost as though I momentarily get amnesia, “forgetting” how predictably these foods have caused problems in the past, hoping upon hope that maybe “this time will be different.”  And of course, we all know what happens next!

So of course, it’s like Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz.  You take this magical mystery tour, only to realize, reluctantly at times, that you’re still best off doing what’s always worked.  Which is the point I had reached recently after just such an experimentation.  My patient husband duly administered his (appropriate) “duh” response upon my verbalizing this revelation.

So now I’m on the cardio machine, reflecting on how if I only shut off all outside noise — all books, all message boards, all TV ads, all Oprah’s, all magazine articles, all overheard conversations, all blogs…… and simply turn to that internal source, I always steer myself right.  What frustrates me, I suppose, is because what works for me tends to run against what is commonly touted.  That’s tough, as it means I have to essentially plug my ears with my fingers and yell “la la la la la” as it can be soooooo easy to let myself second-guess that internal wisdom.  But you can’t argue with success, and whenever I’ve ignored the popular “sensible” wisdom of the masses (not the rules of nutrition, just in how I choose to adminster them for myself), BOOM, I click into a pleasant, almost “easy” rhythm of eating and lifestyle.  When I futz with it…. I struggle.

Ah-HAH!!!!!!!!!!!   In other words….. that “inner wisdom” of mine IS that “Higher Power.”  It’s that overarching authority that must ultimately be the dominant voice in choosing your tools, your path.  Because everything “beneath” it — looking to others for validation/guidance, going by the popular choice, going by the whims of cravings (danger, Will Robinson), going by the whims of what others insist is the “right” way — is ground clutter.  You have to have someone or something that is unfailingly the final word to ensure you DON’T get pulled in every which direction.  Does this “Higher Power” wisdom of mine come from God?  Or something similar?  Is it within me only?  Is it a compilation of everything I’ve learned and everything I’ve experienced?  Probably….yes.  To all of the above.  Or maybe not.  Who knows, who cares.  The point is, I GET IT now.  And suddenly it makes all the sense in the world to me.  And truth be told, it’s the one sure source that I have always found works (when I listen to and implement it).

Another piece to the puzzle!

Read Full Post »

Study: People becoming heavier because it’s socially okay to do so

I was reading about a study that was done recently (link to article here:  http://www.emaxhealth.com/109/14800.html), that suggests a most un-p.c. conclusion:  the increase in people’s weight in this country is partly the result of it being socially acceptable to be heavier.

Whether you agree with the study’s conclusion or not, I must admit, I have always maintained that in order to keep yourself at a certain weight range — one that requires a great deal of work, you must not only strongly desire to be “there,” you must ALSO feel a specific dislike at either the thought or experience of being above that range (for yourself, not suggesting what others should or shouldn’t do or feel).  You have to.  Because eating cleanly is difficult.  It demands constant, daily attention (ever notice how when you return to work Monday it takes you a little while to return to exactly where you left off on Friday?  What do you think happens to your body when you take a few days off from working on your eating and exercise?), and when the going gets tough, you’d better have some strong, underlying motivation to stick it out or you’ll find your eating — and subsequent weight — about as stable and resolved as a rogue plastic grocery bag on a blustery day.

Now, don’t misunderstand me.  I would never advocate you set unrealistic standards for yourself.  I know where my own body “settles in” when my eating is squeaky clean (not perfect, but clean most of the time) and I’m exercising daily (again, most of the time).  It’s where I have the most energy, the most restorative sleep, and indeed, where I prefer my physical appearance.  Given that my weight readily maintains itself below the national average, deep down I could never accept my body at this country’s “average,” because I’d know deep down it would not reflect my body at its optimal health and fitness; if anything, to be there would indicate something has gone awry with my exercise and/or eating plan.  But this works on the other end of the spectrum, too.  If your genetics predispose you to a seeming setpoint that’s considerably *higher* than the average even in light of consistent, clean eating (and I do mean “consistent” and “clean” — I don’t mean what most people convince themselves is “consistent” and “clean”), then indeed, it would not do you well to shoot for a level of leanness that’s far beneath what you believe you can achieve.

Or would it?  I’m beginning to question if there’s a potential benefit in aiming high, probably higher than what you know you can achieve.  Does this not make you reach further?  Will you not make a harder effort when you set ambitious goals for yourself?  What I’m seeing all around me is evidence that people are settling for mediocrity, that “good enough” is….well, good enough.  Don’t expect greatness of yourself, because gosh, then you might disappoint yourself if you don’t reach it.  Don’t set your goals too high, because gosh, that takes more work.  How awful, those who limit themselves so!  In the overall scheme of things, most of us are capable of just about anything.  Don’t tell me you have no sense of direction, you can’t read a map, you can’t cook, you can’t <fill in the blank>.  Those are copouts!  You CAN do these things!  But you might have to work harder, subject yourself to some discomfort or embarrassment, and yes, you’ll have to focus and keep pushing yourself even when you don’t want to, and YES, sometimes a little harsh self-talk is the greatest gift you can give yourself.  I don’t mean, “I’ve gained five pounds.  I suck.”  I mean, “I’ve let myself gain five pounds.  I know better.”

I once read that alcoholism and other addictions are curiously more prevalent in areas/societies/cultures/countries that don’t frown upon it, and in some cases actually make light of or celebrate inebriation, and that it’s curiously sparse in countries/cultures/societies/families/circles that view such lack of self-control in an extremely negative, face-losing light.  Why would weight be any different, I wonder?

It’s just one more reminder that in the end, if you wish to be where you wish to be, YOU have to set the standards for yourself.  You must dismiss whether it’s socially acceptable or not and determine what YOUR best body/health/level of fitness is at, and don’t let yourself be swayed by where the wave of humanity is orienting themselves at the moment.  Just as we can’t let ads, TV shows, etc. or unrealistically thin/”perfect” women’s bodies lure us into setting those kind of standards for ourselves, so too do we need to ignore if “everyone else” seems to be okay with letting their bodies grow to sizes we don’t wish for ourselves.

Read Full Post »