It’s funny, all the simple ways one can sum up the difference between immature/magical thinking — the kind of thinking that gets one into eating trouble and keeps them from growing and living life fully — and mature thinking and action that is rooted in mental and spiritual health as well as physical.
I was thinking about how my mind works with my own eating, when I’m “clicking” with my clean eating vs. when I’m white-knuckling it and/or at risk for a binge. It can be summed up as, when I’m in “the flow” and am eating with full conscious awareness and acceptance of the big picture — the long-term as well as the immediate, it’s because I fully understand and accept that 1+1=2. But when I start to struggle with that, or when I start to “futz” with my diet or play mental games to manipulate my food/beverage plan to allow “more”….it’s because I’m falling back into that seductive thought of, what if 1+1+x can still = 2? I try to figure out how to make that true. I want to believe there is a way to “get away with” more than just those two 1’s. Or maybe I still understand that 1+1+x > 2, but I’m angry about that. Cranky. Unaccepting. I know more than one binge has occurred because I was pissed off about the unfairness of that, how funny I am!
So here’s hoping I continue to improve my understanding and acceptance that 1+1=2. Nothing will change that, I can only rise to that reality and conduct myself accordingly.
Recovering Part-time Bulimic 