Handling unwanted male attention

This is an issue that’s come up more and more, and I’m realizing how much I have never really matured to the point in which I can graciously set boundaries when a man’s attention to me is clearly beginning to cross a line from “casual interaction” to “trying to pursue something more.”  Certainly, it’s incredibly flattering, and I’m sure my ego is part of the problem.  But the other part is my fear of hurting the guy’s feelings.  I can see how very easily a woman (person) can find herself in a relationship that she doesn’t even particularly like, or staying in a situation that no longer works for her, simply because she feels this need to protect the guy from hurt feelings.  In my case, my mind immediately goes to such thoughts as, “Oh, he already has so much stress in his life.  Do I really need to add to it by telling him to back off or that I’m uncomfortable with the direction our conversation is going?”

So, rather than SAY anything outright, I instead just try to be polite, keep my end of the conversation neutral.  Only….while *I* may think I’m merely being polite, the guy is taking my courteousness as an encouragement to pursue further.

I’m also realizing that, up until now, my solution to such a situation has typically been to simply try to avoid crossing paths with him again.  But some recent interactions have convinced me that this is neither a mature way to handle it nor practical.  First of all, I can’t live my life constantly ducking situations just to avoid such contact — talk about living a life dictated by others!  Second of all, I need to be mature enough to be able to politely assert myself.  I can’t worry about his feelings.

But of course, the latter is uncomfortable, no matter what.  I suppose it might get easier, but it’s still not comfortable.  And I’m starting to see how this DOES relate to my eating, and my bigger mentality:  I don’t want to have to encounter these uncomfortable moments, in which I have to stay the course with what’s uncomfortable, whether it’s eating a certain way or turning down a food I don’t need or defining my boundaries with another person or some other situation.

Now.  To put this newfound realization to use.  Easier said than done!

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An early memory: “Mom, does it get any easier to watch my weight when I’m a grown up?”

This one just popped into my head recently.  I can actually remember where I was, what we were doing as a family, when I nervously asked this question of my mom.  I was 14, we were on vacation and out for a hike, and I can remember feeling very troubled at my appetite, and that it seemed to take so much WORK to stay at the weight I was at (normal, not overweight at all, if anything a bit underweight at that point).  That was the summer in which I was now fully into dieting; I had flirted with some dieting throughout that previous year and summer, but now it seemed imperative.   Although I had hoped my “growth spurt” would kick in — I used to watch my friends go through that “get out of jail free card” time period in which they could eat whatever and not gain weight….it seemed this wasn’t going to be my body’s destiny.  Don’t get me wrong, I was always a thin/athletic child, but I never went through that “skinny as a noodle while eating like a man” phase.  Instead, my body seemed to skip over that and right into the (to my perception) “grown up” need to watch my calories like a hawk and say no to foods I wanted to eat in order to stay thin.  I remember at the time feeling gyped, but at the same time relieved, as if somehow even back then I knew that the opportunity to eat anything with impunity could only set into motion some very, very bad habits.

So anyway, I kept thinking, in these early dieting days, “Surely it gets better.  You really mean to tell me that all these women you see of normal body weight live like this?”  It seemed so inconceivable, so unnatural to me.  So I finally worked up the nerve to ask my mom.

Truth be told, I don’t even remember the answer she gave.  (She has always been a disciplined and slender lady, but our eating styles are very different; she seems to have been graced with a relatively small appetite, whereas I have always been of the voracious persuasion.)  What I do remember is, whatever she said did not completely put my mind at ease.  Right from the get-go I felt suspicious that it would never get easier.  And it seemed deep down right from that point, I knew enough about myself to feel worried.  The thought of spending a lifetime in such a state of constant hunger and denial seemed impossible, yet the thought of gaining weight and living a life in a body reflective of my cravings was an even worse thought.

Not much of a useful memory, other than to reflect on having some level of body awareness way back then.

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Looking back at myself via past posts: Good? Bad? Excessive?

It occurred to me, as I wrote my latest post yesterday, what a different person I am today than a few months ago, or six months ago, a year ago, etc.  In some ways, I think my eating disorder — or more accurately, the person I was when I let myself live in that state of escapism/immaturity, in which the ED was more a symptom/vehicle than the core problem — slowed down my growth and development as a person so much, that these last several years have been a sort of “accelerated growth/change” time for me, in which I seem to be catching up at almost an alarming pace.  Truthfully, sometimes TOO alarming, where even that creates a panic that can send me back to the ED.  But my hope is that it’s all casting enough of a light on what Life (capital L) is like when it’s lived fully, what it can be like if I allow it/me to reach its/my full potential, that even when I slip I still retain enough awareness to now know what I’m shooting for.  I don’t ever want to go back.  These last seductive elements of the ED can be SO difficult to release; I suspect that when I can somehow mentally associate them with those elements that I have so eagerly let go of….an era in which I was living so differently, so small….I will have a much easier time casting those remnants off for good as well.

But I digress, the point of this post is to muse about how different I must seem now vs. when I began this blog, and everywhere in between.  I guess that’s inevitable — and quite possibly, the whole point.  I mean, why start a blog that’s centered around healing, self-improvement, etc. if you’re not doing it in part to help accomplish that goal, which by extension means basically you’re to evolve into a different person?

But still, I wonder.  I wonder what kind of impression people must form of me if they should stumble onto this blog and read a post of mine from a long time ago.  Note I said “wonder” and not “worry”; it’s not a concern of mine what they think, but it’s so interesting to realize that the impression they might form may not be accurate, at least not any more.  Just a weird and interesting feeling, knowing that I now have this sort of metamorphosing ink blot record of where I was prior to now.

I actually have yet to look back at old posts.  I’m not sure there’s much value in doing so for me.  Oh don’t get me wrong, I know it’s important to remember where I’ve come from, to help ensure I don’t go back to those unpleasant parts, but part of me feels like most of that is intuitive; do I really need to read it in detail to have a good sense of where I am today relative to how things were?  I don’t have a definitive answer, just musing.

But now the siren call of chores is trumping it all, so away I go….

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Having a mindset oriented around doing it for a “grade” — doesn’t work with eating, doesn’t work in business

I think I still battle this, though it’s gotten oh so much better.  It’s the idea that one does what they do not because that’s what will genuinely render results, but because it looks good on paper, it will be handed in for a grade, and the better the grade, the better i.e. your weight will be.  So silly!  Who is this “Teacher” I think I’m appealing to?

I imagine this must be more common among those of us who had that kind of “straight A” track record in school.  Early on, we crystalized this idea of putting together a pleasing package, and in return be rewarded with an A.  Unfortunately, that approach does little to teach one of the realities of life.  The truth is, whether it’s your body or your business or your relationship with another, it/he/she doesn’t “care” how “good” what you’re doing looks on paper.  It only knows whether you’re truly doing what needs to be done to cultivate honest results.  I can revamp my business plan until it’s such a work of art they ought to be using it as a template at business schools.  But unless I’m getting out there and doing the “real” work, the stuff that’s going to increase my company’s exposure and present a compelling product and a good reason why a person needs it…..no amount of “A” work is going to make up for that.  It so goes against that ingrained thinking and yet that’s exactly what I need to renew and recommit myself to every day.

And as I said, it’s across the board:  eating, relationships, business.  The more I can learn to cast off this “doing what would earn a good grade in school” approach and roll up my sleeves to do the honest work, which let’s face it is often messy, undefined, nonlinear, improvised, inuitive, uncertain….and even boring, scary, unpleasnant…..the more I will continue to grow and meet the success I seek.

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Immature thinking: Hoping that 1+1+x still can = 2

It’s funny, all the simple ways one can sum up the difference between immature/magical thinking — the kind of thinking that gets one into eating trouble and keeps them from growing and living life fully — and mature thinking and action that is rooted in mental and spiritual health as well as physical.

I was thinking about how my mind works with my own eating, when I’m “clicking” with my clean eating vs. when I’m white-knuckling it and/or at risk for a binge.  It can be summed up as, when I’m in “the flow” and am eating with full conscious awareness and acceptance of the big picture — the long-term as well as the immediate, it’s because I fully understand and accept that 1+1=2.  But when I start to struggle with that, or when I start to “futz” with my diet or play mental games to manipulate my food/beverage plan to allow “more”….it’s because I’m falling back into that seductive thought of, what if 1+1+x can still = 2?  I try to figure out how to make that true.  I want to believe there is a way to “get away with” more than just those two 1’s.  Or maybe I still understand that 1+1+x > 2, but I’m angry about that.  Cranky.  Unaccepting.  I know more than one binge has occurred because I was pissed off about the unfairness of that, how funny I am!

So here’s hoping I continue to improve my understanding and acceptance that 1+1=2.  Nothing will change that, I can only rise to that reality and conduct myself accordingly.

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My Higher Power: The recharger; inside me, the battery

I’ve been thinking (some more) about the concept of powerlessness.  Amazing how one word can prompt so much semantical analysis.  It is the word of choice in the first step of 12-step programs, i.e. “We admitted we were powerless over <fill in the blank>…”  I used to wonder if my constant musing about the word had to do with trying to find a way to sidestep that reality, like, “Well no, I’m not powerless per se, at least not in such a sweeping way, more like only in specific circumstances, or with certain foods at certain times…”  I worried that suggesting, no less embracing, the notion that I’m powerless would remove that sense of self-efficacy that I still believe is innate in all of us.  Sure, once something becomes a well-entrenched habit, the means of ceasing that behavior is (usually) no longer as simple as “Just Say No,” but to suggest that when people overcome addictions or bad habits it’s done 100% through a force outside of themselves…..I disagree with that.  Even if you subscribe to the idea that you’re tapping your Higher Power (or God, or whatever you call he/she/it) — which as of this writing I do, to me it’s not that you were entirely helpless and stepped aside and let HP take over the wheel; rather, it’s that you let your HP “in,” or you somehow found your own inner resource — your HP within, so to speak, which I believe to be part of the entirety of HP, and let it bubble up to accomplish things that just your ego/immature self could never to by themselves.

But I no longer believe all of this ongoing contemplation is out of desire to avoid admitting to powerlessness.  At least, if it was it’s not the case now.  More, it’s that I want to help myself understand powerlessness in how it specifically applies/manifests  itself for ME.  I feel the more I can wrap my head around what that specifically MEANS for me, the more I can understand and better make use of steps 2 and 3, which have to do with believing that my HP can help and being willing to receive that help.

So here’s my current thought on it:  To me it’s like a product that has a rechargeable battery inside.  A tape player, for example.  I don’t know if this is still the case, but every cassette player I ever had would indicate a need for new batteries by no longer putting out as much volume, or slowing down the music.  Eventually, of course, it would stop working altogether.

To me, that’s kind of how I see myself on the subject of food and my HP.  I believe that remaining in an immature mindset for the duration of my life would leave me ill-prepared to maintain a sustainable management of my eating, certainly not so that my life (and I) could continue to grow.  I believe that connecting with my HP is largely a means of reigniting that internal HP flame inside me, to help me have the wisdom of understanding the “big picture” of honest, accountable eating and not just “how many calories can I get away with eating and not gain weight today.”  The latter is very juvenile, the kind of overtly simplistic thinking and rebelliousness that may be excusable/useful when we’re in Jr. High and don’t know any better, but you just can’t build a responsible, rich, adult life if you remain rooted in that motivation.  I am increasingly understanding how much of my adult life has been spent with me stuck in that superficial diet mentality.  I do believe my first awakening from that occurred 6 years ago (I even know the date), when I had that Ah-HAH that no matter how “good” what I’m doing looks on paper, the body doesn’t care or lie.  It knows if what you ate exceeded your needs and it will respond accordingly.  I realized that to build a sustainable lifestyle and body that I’m comfortable living with, I would have to shift my thinking and adopt a more honest and personalized approach to my eating.  That’s when I lost whatever weight that needed to be taken off, and the journey began.

So indeed, I *AM* powerlessness over food…..when I have allowed my battery to go uncharged.  But using the tools, reconnecting and repeatedly connecting to my Higher Power, taking the actions needed to accommodate my unique frailties….all of that serves to charge my internal Higher Power battery, and with those things I am powerFUL.

I’d like to think I’ve finally put that analysis to rest in my head, but something tells me I’ll find yet another reason to ponder about it!

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Oh the irony — the binge that “didn’t need to be”

Well I sure learned my lesson this week!

I sometimes fall prey to a binge — great or small — that comes from a fear of not having the opportunity to have one of my planned “treat nights” anytime in the near future.  How absurd is that, but it’s true.  Because although I plan these treat nights as allowable, workable parts of my food plan, I still prefer to schedule them so that the next day is not a major work or other obligation day.  My digestive tract almost assuredly will bloat no matter what amount of bread or dessert (and full disclosure, I’m quite sure the amount I eat is more than I need!) I eat.  Normally this arrangement works quite well; on my clean eating days I’m not at all thinking about my treats; if anything I’m glad to focus on my clean foods.  But it’s good for me to know that I have that treat coming up.

But sometimes my mind really plays tricks on me, undermining and sabotaging the works.  And this week was not only a good example of that, but more comically, the whole rationale for it fizzled before my very eyes!

So it’s Monday.  And suddenly, in the middle of the day, despite my humming along nicely on my day’s eating plan, it suddenly occurred to me that with the way my week and weekend were shaping up, there would be no room for a treat night.  I couldn’t “treat” Tuesday night due to a busy work schedule starting early on Wednesday.  No “treat” Wednesday because I had an important business presentation on Thursday.  No “treat” Thursday because I had a corporate seminar to give on Friday.  No “treat” Friday because we have a pool party to attend on Saturday.  No “treat” on Saturday due to a family function on Sunday.  And no “treat” Sunday as I have a busy work day Monday.

Can you see the rationalization going on here?

So of course, after much deliberation, I gave in and gave myself a “pre-emptive treat night” Monday night.  Thankfully, not nearly as bad as I would have at one time, but for sure food I didn’t need that was not part of the plan initially.

And, being that I do try to stay as honest with myself as possible, I knew that by choosing that course, I was eliminating the opportunity for such an allowance later in the week.

So what’s done is done.  Pick up the pieces and move on.  Try to do better next time.

Except…..God sure has a sense of humor.  For as of this moment….

• My Thursday business presentation was postponed;
• Friday’s seminar was canceled
• Saturday’s pool party had to be nixed
• Sunday’s family function has been moved to NEXT weekend

So at least FOUR of those supposedly “no treat” nights could have been a treat night after all, which means I had that panic binge for no reason, whatsoever.

OK, OK, lesson learned, the hard way!

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The fear that all will come crumbling down (again) next winter

If there were a way to journal my exact emotional, spiritual and physical progression through the year (I mean EXACT, not just little nuggets or the day’s highlights)….you would see a distinct pattern jump out.  Right about now is when I’m feeling the relief that comes when whatever recent struggles/slips I’d had seem to slip away.  Eating according to my plan is much easier.  My weight falls into its rightful place (“rightful” being usually no more than 3-4 pounds down from where it was  in winter, but that’s a big difference on my body!), my body looks sharper, my thinking is clearer, I put myself out there in more activities….you get the picture.  And as sure as the sun will rise and set, come January that cycle is in full reversal.  Try as I may — and believe me, I try with gusto each and every year, I get to a point in which there’s no denying the changes that are overtaking me.  The eating plan that works so marvelously during the rest of the year is no longer rendering the same results.  I’m feeling moody.  I start isolating, and for truly idiotic reasons.  I begin this addictive surfing of the internet, be it looking up articles or message boards or the biography of some obscure person whose name I just learned of.  By themselves, each item seems innocuous enough.  But it all translates to my once again hitting my bottom in March and April, sometimes into May.  Why then, you might ask, when spring is finally coming around?  I can only assume the effect of the daylight/weather are cumulative for me, so even as things improve, I have to wait a bit for their benefits to kick in.  Yes, by the way, I’m aware of Seasonal Affective Disorder and feel quite sure this is a huge factor.  And yes, I do try to accommodate it by getting outside whenever possible in the winter, especially on sunny days.  But no matter my efforts, I still seem to end up on my metaphorical back each year, and although I seem to be resuscitating myself with greater effeciency each year, I have yet to go through a winter in which there wasn’t this side effect waiting for me on the back end.

But now I’m experiencing a level of healing and recovery that is unprecedented, due (I believe) to some changes I put into effect (natch) this past March.  I have every reason to believe — and I do — that I am moving into a new phase in my life, that I’m on a wonderful path that’s about to take me to levels of growth and joy I haven’t yet seen, and I’ve seen a great deal of growth and happiness already!

However, I still worry.  What if this growth and joy, while certainly driven heavily by these key changes in my life, is mostly simply that natural seasonal cycle of mine, once again playing out as it always does?  What if no matter how much growth and progress I achieve this year, it proves to be no more of a match for those mysterious forces of winter that seem so good at knocking me down?

I suppose the answer is, there’s no point in worrying.  If what I’m doing is proving to be so helpful to me, then I’m simply going to have to stay that course and know that it’s going to be even more important to stay the course when those months come around.  If I stay focused on taking action and not WORRYING about the “what ifs”….something tells me that if there’s any chance to reverse that winter trend of mine, the above is the key to doing so.

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The debate of avoiding sugar/flour vs. “everything in moderation”….Part 2

So this is a continuation of my thought process on this subject.  To get a sense of full context, please refer to Part 1 of this post, posted yesterday (or the next entry down, whichever reference makes more sense by the time you read this).

Obviously, one of the reasons I’m even pondering this is because it’s become a point of discussion in recent times.  I’m hearing about people who — and I believe them — insist that they have managed to avoid eating one or both of these items for many, many years, which awes me and frightens me at the same time.  It awes me because I’m inspired by the ability of these people to make their peace with choosing (and following through with) such an absolute.

But it DOES frighten me.  I find myself squirming at the notion of from here on out avoiding any food in which sugar is an ingredient.  Or flour.  Or wheat.  Or yikes, all three.  Just THINK of all the foods that instantly get the boot!  Sure, I may not ordinarily choose “low fat/regular” yogurt in lieu of fat-free/light (which often utilize non-nutrative sweeteners).  But I do sometimes find regular “fruit flavored” yogurt (some fat, some sugar) to be just what the doctor ordered before running a race.  I may not ordinarily eat bread.  Or flour-based products.  But on a cold, damp day, a warm bowl of Panera’s chicken noodle soup is soul food for me!  My digestive tract is often fiesty, but that’s the one food that reliably fills me up without causing any distress.  And although I don’t always opt for it, I do love the accompanying baguette.  At 160 calories (I think, the last time I checked), it’s a nice way for me to get a controlled portion of bread, but only every once in a great while, which thus far has kept me from feeling triggered.

Having said the above, what’s ironic is that what I wind up eating on a typical day is actually usually devoid of those ingredients, without my even trying.  Most of the foods that are in my current rotation include fruits, steamed vegetables, raw veggies (mostly “finger food”), lean hamburger, chicken, fat-free cheese, oatmeal, nut butters, sugar-free pudding mix, sugar-free jello, fat-free ricotta cheese, tuna….well, you get the idea.  So it ought not bother me, the notion of “officially” cutting out specific ingredients, if they’re typically not there in the first place!

But therein lies the key word:  “typically.”  I think for me, it’s important to leave open the possibility, the flexibility to make an exception.  If anything, what I feel the need to pray for is the maturity to be able to MAKE an exception….and keep it as just that!  I think my fear is that such “exceptions” will gradually take over, like an unwanted weed, until it’s choked out any structure or genuine “95%” adherence to my food plan.  And as we know, it doesn’t take much in the way of a little extra calories, in order for them to translate to extra weight.

So it should be easy:  I can’t be an absolutist like that.  Maybe my dieting history is part of what preventing me from being able to accept such a hard-lined omission.  Perhaps, just as some people declare that they’ve used up their lifetime allotment/”quota” of certain trigger foods, I have used up my quota of “absolute omissions” from my diet, through all the dieting I ever imposed on myself.  What’s interesting about that is how specific it is; I have no issues maintaining my vigilance with daily calorie counting, measuring and weighing my food, keeping an accurate daily food log, etc.  But cutting out food…..I’m just not convinced the benefits outweigh the risk of actually worsening my eating, or the mental anguish/obsession I am likely to confront when attempting to adjust to such a major lifestyle switch.

But then there’s that devil’s advocate side of me that acknowledges how much my cravings DO abate when certain foods have been out of my system for a while.  So there’s no denial that there’s a biological component to this.  Wouldn’t it make sense to at least commit to experimenting with making that full-blown leap?  I suppose I can always insert those foods back into my diet if I decided it’s best to do so.

Still.  I don’t know.  I think there’s much to be said for having to decide what recovery really looks like to you.  I’m just not sure I want to alter my eating so entirely and so permanently that I can never partake in certain foods that are a part of meals with dear friends and family.  I also have to ask myself if its even necessary I ponder such a drastic measure, when in the overall scheme of things I don’t have anywhere near the history of weight trouble or issues with a certain food that some people have had.  If I came from a situation in which my top weight was over 200 lbs. and I can recount bingeing for days/weeks/months at a clip….well yeah, that’s a degree of “broken” that might help one accept the elmination of certain “danger” foods.  But if a person is never more than 5 or so pounds above their preferred weight, never binges two days in a row and has typically “at worst” only averaged 1-2 binges (or overeats) a week…..is that in the same league as the former?  Thus is cutting out all sugars/flours/etc., while perhaps a life-saving necessity for some, tantamount to killing a fly with a sledgehammer for others?

Or am I just rationalizing my way into keeping these things in my diet, since I so obviously have major reservations about doing otherwise?

I think I just hit a new personal best in the event of “overthinking”!

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The debate of avoiding sugar/flour vs. “everything in moderation”….Part 1

Bear with me, this is going to take more than one blog entry to work through.  Maybe some of what I’m writing will resonate with you.

This is a subject of endless debate, and I don’t suspect there’s any one definitive “right” answer or conclusion.  If anything, it only underscores how very different everyone is when it comes time to deciphering what approach they need to take with their eating.

I don’t suppose there’s much for me to bring to this debate that hasn’t already been discussed at length, but I do think putting my own thoughts “on paper” will help me sort out where I am at the moment.  So keep that in mind, that what what may be useful/truthful/applicable to me may not be so for you, and I’m not trying to suggest otherwise.

There is a part of me, that part that likes absolutes, clear-cut guidelines, definitive answers, that finds the thought of completely avoiding certain foods (or ingredients) appealing.  It offers an “at least” consolation, as in, “Well I may be struggling with other foods or the amount I’m eating, but at least I’ve consistently stayed away from white sugar.”  Sometimes, when you’re in a funk and it seems you’re doing nothing but stumbling, having that bottom-line consistency can keep your morale up until you’re able to collect yourself and get back to a higher-level state of eating management.  I can also see the value in letting go of certain foods from one’s diet, of accepting that you will never, ever eat them again.  With the brain-splitting selection of foods — be they simple/healthy, processed/not-so-bad, or outright junk — available at even the local pharmacy, never mind mega-grocery stores…..eliminating large swaths of food from even being an option can help make shopping blissfully easier, espcially considering I can be vulnerable to over-stimulation and the stress of too many choices.  Like, I know myself enough to know that it’s best that I never even consider, say, Pop Tarts, to be a part of my diet.  Or Three Musketeers Bars.  These are foods I ate and enjoyed in excess at one time, and between the fact that they offer zero nutrition and not even enough satiety to justify their sugar and fat content, it’s best I pass them up.  No issue there.

But I’m uneasy at the thought of eliminating foods that contain flour, or sugar, or wheat or some such.  Being that I have such a literal mind, I would quickly take that declaration to unhealthy extremes.  I couldn’t do it “halfway,” I’d have to read every label and eliminate such a huge list of foods from my repertoire, and I just don’t find this healthy.  Certainly, the obvious offenders might best be avoided.  I don’t remember the last time I considered cookies, cake, candy, or most breads to be a part of my daily menu choices.   And I rarely eat pasta, per se, partly because it’s just not a particularly favorite food of mine, partly because I don’t find much satiety in it.

But what about my favorite soups?  Many of them contain a small amount of pasta, which means both flour and wheat as an ingredient.  However, they’re also loaded with vegetables and protein (usually from chicken), which is good as I sometimes struggle to include enough protein and veggies in my day’s food.  And what about all those foods that have sugar as an ingredient, a main ingredient, even?  I love sorbet, and found it to be a wonderful treat to incorporate into my diet when I eliminated most other sweets from my daily food plan.  Sure, it contains sugar, like cookies, but unlike cookies, it’s about as far removed from the taste, texture, and “easy to eat fast and furiously” character that cookies have for me, that it makes no sense to eliminate it.

I guess I’m steering towards the notion that life doesn’t work in such absolutes for me, that there still needs to be an element of common sense even if a person chooses to adopt some concrete rules for themselves.  Sure, sometimes it’s tempting, pondering the simplicity of such hard-lined boundaries.  But something deep down feels that this approach is not a good one for me.  I have to keep teaching/learning the art of what I’ll call “structured moderation.”  The best of both worlds.  The tough part probably is, how do you enforce it?  There is a risk that the minute you face temptation, you can simply change the rules to suit what it is you want at that moment.

But I think therein lies the process of becoming mature.  You have to be able to retain a sense of honesty and accountability, so that when you’re facing such moments, you can still abide by your current rules/guidelines, and not fall into the trap of “rewriting” them right there and then.  If you think you need to make a change, clearly the best measure is to have the presence of mind to stick to the plan at that moment, then visit the possibility of modifications later, at a time when you’re lucid and more objective.

More later!

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