This is an issue that’s come up more and more, and I’m realizing how much I have never really matured to the point in which I can graciously set boundaries when a man’s attention to me is clearly beginning to cross a line from “casual interaction” to “trying to pursue something more.” Certainly, it’s incredibly flattering, and I’m sure my ego is part of the problem. But the other part is my fear of hurting the guy’s feelings. I can see how very easily a woman (person) can find herself in a relationship that she doesn’t even particularly like, or staying in a situation that no longer works for her, simply because she feels this need to protect the guy from hurt feelings. In my case, my mind immediately goes to such thoughts as, “Oh, he already has so much stress in his life. Do I really need to add to it by telling him to back off or that I’m uncomfortable with the direction our conversation is going?”
So, rather than SAY anything outright, I instead just try to be polite, keep my end of the conversation neutral. Only….while *I* may think I’m merely being polite, the guy is taking my courteousness as an encouragement to pursue further.
I’m also realizing that, up until now, my solution to such a situation has typically been to simply try to avoid crossing paths with him again. But some recent interactions have convinced me that this is neither a mature way to handle it nor practical. First of all, I can’t live my life constantly ducking situations just to avoid such contact — talk about living a life dictated by others! Second of all, I need to be mature enough to be able to politely assert myself. I can’t worry about his feelings.
But of course, the latter is uncomfortable, no matter what. I suppose it might get easier, but it’s still not comfortable. And I’m starting to see how this DOES relate to my eating, and my bigger mentality: I don’t want to have to encounter these uncomfortable moments, in which I have to stay the course with what’s uncomfortable, whether it’s eating a certain way or turning down a food I don’t need or defining my boundaries with another person or some other situation.
Now. To put this newfound realization to use. Easier said than done!
Recovering Part-time Bulimic 