Changing my blog name and my tagline

Change.  One of the best words of advice I have ever received was that in order to be successful in life — and to be happy, you have to be willing to change, and to change constantly.  That’s something that didn’t come naturally to me.  I’ve had to work on not only accepting change, but also in engineering it (i.e. recognizing when the time has come, and putting it into motion), but in doing so, I can concur that I’m so much happier as a result.

With that in mind, if you’ve read this blog before, you’ll notice a change.  If you haven’t, it’s probably good to at least have this full disclosure.

I started this blog about two months ago, and called it “The Part-time Bulimic,” with the tagline Because I hate the word ‘recovering’.  I chose the two for a couple of reasons.  One, because my ED, if I even still have one, had dwindled over the years to the point where it didn’t technically fit any clinical definition.  But I couldn’t deny that some undesired behaviors still remained, and being one who values authenticity and transparency (I despise the notion of deluding oneself, especially with semantics), I wanted some way to acknowledge these behaviors, since much of my posts would be focused around dealing with eating issues.  As for the tagline….. I still find the word “recovering” a bit odd.  To me, life entails many struggles and behaviors — not just food or weight-related — that we aren’t happy with, yet we don’t call our growth or improvement from these things “recovery” or “recovering.”  Why should eating behaviors be any different?  To me, it all umbrellas under the process of learning, healing, seeking, maturing, etc. that defines the human experience.

But right or wrong, there aren’t a whole lot of alternative words to indicate that a behavior has either ended or there’s at least an effort underway to stop it (or manage it or minimize it or <insert comparable verbs here>.

So… “Recovering” it is.  I’m now the “Recovering Part-time Bulimic.”  Truthfully, the more accurate title would be “FORMER Part-time Bulimic,” but right or wrong, I feel like I’d be naively testing the fates if I were to make such a bold declaration.  Let’s hope the word “former” continues to apply even if it never officially becomes part of my title!

As for the “Working on it!”…..that’s because I am.  And more over, I’m experiencing success at it.  I don’t want to imply that I’m somehow “settling” into my ways and not making an effort to rout out behaviors that are either destructive or useless or just plain outdated.

On the other hand, I stand by my appraisal that I will always be “different” in my approach to eating, exercise and lifestyle.  I can’t say what all contributes to this reality.  I actually don’t think this is ED-related; or if it is, the ED history is simply part of what factors in here.  I suspect that it’s a composite of my personality type, my upbringing and life experiences, my genetics, my goals and priorities in life, environmental factors, and of course, certain habits and preferences (either deep-seated or evolutional).  But maybe it’s only some of these things, maybe it’s something else.

But I’m reaching the point in which I really don’t care WHAT causes me to be different.  All I know is I am, and that’s okay.  The good news is, I don’t need to know what fuels the way I am.  I know my frailties, I know my strengths, and I know how to manage both.  I accept that there will need to be deliberate efforts on my part to keep myself where I wish to be, both in terms of my health and in terms of my life goals and values.

And I know that the process of healing and recovery is ongoing.  I acknowledge that there’s always work to be done, no matter how much progress you make.  But whereas at one time I felt frustrated at this — just when you think you’re about to reach the summit, surprise! there’s another stretch of uphill trail that you couldn’t see from further below, I now embrace it.  To be “working on it” is to be alive.  I’m learning to enjoy the view as every climb is its own summit!

So there you go!  Now you know what prompted this CHANGE (forgive the all caps, I’m still reveling in my learning to embrace it).

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Taking another break…..or maybe, moving on

It’s interesting to watch things run their course.  I’m grateful for this blog and for the ability to get some things down in writing for myself to examine.  I almost feel as though these were among the “remnants” of my ED, hanging around with no place to go, no one really to talk to about them (there’s only so far I can push the envelope with my dear husband’s attentions span).  But now that they’re out, I feel as though I’m ready to move on, to slow down or stop altogether the analysis.  I’m done, I’m ready for what’s next.  I hate using the word “closure” because I hate buying into the illusion that things are completely done, that I’ll somehow never again experience a challenge or stumble related to this topic.  I know better.  But the word closure does apply, in the sense that I feel like I’ve “gotten this out of my system” and can release it from my brain.  If I have an occasional tangential “ah HAH!” to record, fine.   But I feel like what’s needed to be done, has been done, what’s needed to be said, has been said.  NEXT!

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