One subject that seems to come up over and over, both with myself but more with people I talk to….is this notion of starting over, or embarking on “Day 1” of some new way of eating or hitting the reset button just because one broke their “perfect” eating track record. Ironically, I find that I actually eat and behave BETTER (i.e. more cleanly, more honestly, more effectively) if I DON’T give myself the permission to hit that reset button and wipe out my “bad” track record. Because if I think that I need to behave in a way that BOTH accounts for the way I behaved yesterday (or last week or last month or whenever) AND still brings me towards hitting or maintaining my goal….well then SHUCKS I have much work to do! I realize that I must hang in there and reinforce those actions that I know are constructive even MORE so. If, on the other hand, I allow myself to say, “Oh, I slipped, well there goes that, it’s back to Day 1 for me,” I do two destructive things: First, I demoralize myself, because I never catch that sense of momentum beyond the first day/week/month. It’s hard to keep building up a sense of empowerment on past successes if I’m essentially wiping them out and restarting my plan. Second, I fall into the trap of magical thinking and fall OUT of retaining a connection to reality. Saying “I’m back at Day 1” seems too close to the mentality, “THIS time I’ll be PERFECT” to me. And if I’m not ready to embrace imperfection from the get-go, I’m not preparing myself for how to handle those imperfect moments when they do occur, which means I’m not truly building a rich, mature life that allows me to function outside of the distraction of forever looking for a solution to my eating challenges.
Don’t get me wrong, I recognize that when a person stumbles, slips, lapses or outright relapses, it needs to be taken seriously. Believe me, I’m only too aware of that on a personal level. But I’m troubled by this prevalent “Day 1” mentality. I just don’t think it’s very constructive, certainly not with something as subjective and complex as one’s eating. It’s sort of like when you enter a marriage (or long-term relationship) or a job. Once you’ve made a reasonably thought-out decision…..the next however many months/years/lifetime is now oriented around sustaining that commitment. If you are now married, you WILL, being human, make a poor choice in word or action. And you WILL have an incident or argument or event that disrupts your rosey thoughts about your partner. But you can’t just up and say, “Well that’s it, better luck next time” and chuck the relationship out the window in the pursuit of the next Mr./Ms. Right. Ditto for a job: You will likely make some major stumble or mistake, or even act in a way that is objectively grievous. But you can’t just run from that, quit your job, etc. You have to learn from your mistake, commit to not repeat it, and get to work on doing better.
So enough of this collection of Day 1’s! Whether you make a teeny slip or a Mother Of All Blowouts, get up, brush yourself off, fix the boo-boos, but focus on tomorrow (or even the rest of today) as a continuation of where you left off. Embrace the inevitable dents and instead make it your goal to minimize their occurence and severity (and maximize the lessons therein!), rather than eliminate them altogether. AND be sure to acknowledge your mistakes but ALSO retain perspective on your triumphant behavior as well!
At least, that’s my take.