So this is a continuation of my thought process on this subject. To get a sense of full context, please refer to Part 1 of this post, posted yesterday (or the next entry down, whichever reference makes more sense by the time you read this).
Obviously, one of the reasons I’m even pondering this is because it’s become a point of discussion in recent times. I’m hearing about people who — and I believe them — insist that they have managed to avoid eating one or both of these items for many, many years, which awes me and frightens me at the same time. It awes me because I’m inspired by the ability of these people to make their peace with choosing (and following through with) such an absolute.
But it DOES frighten me. I find myself squirming at the notion of from here on out avoiding any food in which sugar is an ingredient. Or flour. Or wheat. Or yikes, all three. Just THINK of all the foods that instantly get the boot! Sure, I may not ordinarily choose “low fat/regular” yogurt in lieu of fat-free/light (which often utilize non-nutrative sweeteners). But I do sometimes find regular “fruit flavored” yogurt (some fat, some sugar) to be just what the doctor ordered before running a race. I may not ordinarily eat bread. Or flour-based products. But on a cold, damp day, a warm bowl of Panera’s chicken noodle soup is soul food for me! My digestive tract is often fiesty, but that’s the one food that reliably fills me up without causing any distress. And although I don’t always opt for it, I do love the accompanying baguette. At 160 calories (I think, the last time I checked), it’s a nice way for me to get a controlled portion of bread, but only every once in a great while, which thus far has kept me from feeling triggered.
Having said the above, what’s ironic is that what I wind up eating on a typical day is actually usually devoid of those ingredients, without my even trying. Most of the foods that are in my current rotation include fruits, steamed vegetables, raw veggies (mostly “finger food”), lean hamburger, chicken, fat-free cheese, oatmeal, nut butters, sugar-free pudding mix, sugar-free jello, fat-free ricotta cheese, tuna….well, you get the idea. So it ought not bother me, the notion of “officially” cutting out specific ingredients, if they’re typically not there in the first place!
But therein lies the key word: “typically.” I think for me, it’s important to leave open the possibility, the flexibility to make an exception. If anything, what I feel the need to pray for is the maturity to be able to MAKE an exception….and keep it as just that! I think my fear is that such “exceptions” will gradually take over, like an unwanted weed, until it’s choked out any structure or genuine “95%” adherence to my food plan. And as we know, it doesn’t take much in the way of a little extra calories, in order for them to translate to extra weight.
So it should be easy: I can’t be an absolutist like that. Maybe my dieting history is part of what preventing me from being able to accept such a hard-lined omission. Perhaps, just as some people declare that they’ve used up their lifetime allotment/”quota” of certain trigger foods, I have used up my quota of “absolute omissions” from my diet, through all the dieting I ever imposed on myself. What’s interesting about that is how specific it is; I have no issues maintaining my vigilance with daily calorie counting, measuring and weighing my food, keeping an accurate daily food log, etc. But cutting out food…..I’m just not convinced the benefits outweigh the risk of actually worsening my eating, or the mental anguish/obsession I am likely to confront when attempting to adjust to such a major lifestyle switch.
But then there’s that devil’s advocate side of me that acknowledges how much my cravings DO abate when certain foods have been out of my system for a while. So there’s no denial that there’s a biological component to this. Wouldn’t it make sense to at least commit to experimenting with making that full-blown leap? I suppose I can always insert those foods back into my diet if I decided it’s best to do so.
Still. I don’t know. I think there’s much to be said for having to decide what recovery really looks like to you. I’m just not sure I want to alter my eating so entirely and so permanently that I can never partake in certain foods that are a part of meals with dear friends and family. I also have to ask myself if its even necessary I ponder such a drastic measure, when in the overall scheme of things I don’t have anywhere near the history of weight trouble or issues with a certain food that some people have had. If I came from a situation in which my top weight was over 200 lbs. and I can recount bingeing for days/weeks/months at a clip….well yeah, that’s a degree of “broken” that might help one accept the elmination of certain “danger” foods. But if a person is never more than 5 or so pounds above their preferred weight, never binges two days in a row and has typically “at worst” only averaged 1-2 binges (or overeats) a week…..is that in the same league as the former? Thus is cutting out all sugars/flours/etc., while perhaps a life-saving necessity for some, tantamount to killing a fly with a sledgehammer for others?
Or am I just rationalizing my way into keeping these things in my diet, since I so obviously have major reservations about doing otherwise?
I think I just hit a new personal best in the event of “overthinking”!
